


A Friend Indeed

by rockfantasyfan



Category: Music & Bands - Fandom
Genre: #slash, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-15 07:11:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12316251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rockfantasyfan/pseuds/rockfantasyfan
Summary: AU, Alternate Timeline.  Newly sober Nikki Sixx attempts to console Steven Adler when the latter is fired from Guns n Roses





	A Friend Indeed

Even though he was sober now, Nikki reasoned, there was no reason he couldn't still go to his favorite haunts around the strip and catch up with the friends he'd neglected while struggling to beat his addictions. The real friends, that is - the ones who didn't hang around him just for a chance at a free high. And those friends were precious few. 

Having made the rounds of a hsandful of clubs, Nikki was bored. He sat at the bar, nursing a whiskey and contemplating just going home before he notied a familiar blond figure hunched on a stool further down the bar. He made his way over, taking the next stool.  
"Hey, Stevie. What are you doing here? I thought you Gunners were on the east coast."

It was several long seconds before Steven looked up, and Nikki was mildly shocked to see the misery on the usually bubbly face. He wasn't fucked up; Nikki noticed his pupils were normal even though he was well on his way to becomig stinking drunk.

"They are." Steven slurred after a moment, speaking so quietly Nikki had to lean closer to hear him over the din of the club. "But I'm not."

Nikki waited for Steven to elaborate, but instead he just went back to his drink. "Hey," he grabbed the younger man's arm, "what the hell are you talking about? Why aren't you with them?"

This time Steven didn't even look up from his glass. "They fired me." he mumbled.

Nikki was sure he'd misunderstood. "What? Did you just say they fired you? Why?"

Steven just nodded, and when he looked up again Nikki saw his face was wet with tears. "Why do you think?! I'm a fuck up! A junkie! A loser! They just don't want me around because I'm a fucking loser!"

Steven's agitation was growing and his voice was getting louder, attracting the attention of those around them. Nikki tapped Steven'a arm, "Come on, let's get out of here and you can tell me what happened." He knew the old Nikki wouldn't even care, might even find amusement at Steven's obvious anguish. But Nikki had always liked Steven, always found his constant good humor refreshing even when he was so fucked up he couldn't think straight. A morose Steven was something he just couldn't wrap his head around. He wanted to know what was behind this. How could they fire him? They should have tried to help the guy with his problems, not fire him over them!

He led Steven by the arm out of the crowded, noisy club and out to his car, opening the passenger door. Steven climbed in without a word and Nikki took his place behind the wheel, turning to the drummer. "All right, tell me what happened."

Steven just shook his head, his tangled head of dirty blond hair bowed, his shoulders hunched. He looked as though he hadn't seen a shower or a change of clothes in days.

"Stevie, listen," Nikki clasped his shoulder, "remember who you're talking to. I've been there. If I wasn't the leader of Crue, I might have been in your shoes a thousand times over."

"Yeah, but you are the leader. And I'm nobody!" Steven came to life with fire, spitting out the words bitterly, looked up at Nikki with bloodshot eyes. "I've got nothing now. It's all gone. I spent all the money. Hell, even my girlfriend kicked me out when she heard I was fired. She wanted to be with a rock star, not a fucking loser junkie!"

"Listen to me - YOU. ARE. NOT. A. LOSER! You're a damned good drummer, you can make more money, find a new band, find more women."

"Bullshit! They said I'm too fucked up to drum, that I can't even sit on my stool without falling over! And the women don't want me, they never would have if I wasn't in the band. They say I'm disgusting and hairy and dumb and stupid......" the tears Steven had been fighting back started falling again and he was ashamed. Ashamed of crying, ashamed of having been fired from the band, ashamed of even being in the company of someone as successful as Nikki.

Nikki was nonplussed, he didn't know how to deal with having someone he considered a friend fall to pieces in front of him. He put his hand on Steven's shoulder again, awkwardly patting his back. "Hey, man, it's gonna be okay. It just looks bad right now, y'know? You'll get back on your feet."

Steven just shook his head, his face buried in his shaking hands. Nikki sighed inwardly. "Hey man, let me take you home. Where are you staying?"

"Nowhere." Steven's voice was small, sounding strained as he tried not to sob aloud. "I was living with my girlfriend and she threw me out last night. I've got no place to go. I'm just going to stay here, maybe I can find someone to let me crash at their place."

"You just did." Nikki told him. "I'm taking you home with me. I can't leave you like this, you'll just get fucked up, O.D., and they'll find you dead in a dumpster somewhere if I don't."

"I don't want any pity." Steven mumbled through his fingers. "I can't stand the pity I already see on everyone's face. By tomorrow it will be in all the papers. Junkie cokehead drummer fired from Guns n Roses. Just leave me alone, Nikki. Let me go find a hit since I know you won't give me one, not anymore. Maybe I'll get lucky and I will O.D.!"

Steven made to open the car door, and Nikki hit the lock button, effectively trapping him in the car. "That's it, that's enough! You're coming home with me, unless you think you can fight your way out of my car!"

Steven tried the door handle then slumped against it, realizing he had no choice. During the long drive to Van Nuys, Steven didn't utter a word, his posture defeated, his face hidden in the crook of his arm as it rested against the window. When Nikki finally pulled up in front of his door and stopped the car, Steven didn't move. Nikki had to go around the car and open the door, taking him by the arm, before the younger man would exit the vehicle.

Steven allowed Nikki to lead him inside, watching in a kind of dull stupor as the bassist turned off his security system and turned on the lights. Leading him over to a long leather sofa, Nikki sat Steven down and, without asking him if he wanted anything, brought him a bottle of ice tea from the kitchen.

Steven looked at the tea, then looked up at Nikki. "Drink it. It helps your stomach when nthe nausea hits you. How long since you've had a hit?"

Steven shrugged, "I....I haven't used since they fired me, four days ago. I went through the worst of the withdrawls already. That's why Kari kicked me out. All the puking and shitting. She said it disgusted her, that I disgusted her."

"I'm going to get you something to eat." Nikki stood.

"I don't wanna eat. I don't feel like eating."

"I don't care if you feel like it or not, you're gonna eat." Nikki threw that over his shoulder as he went to the kitchen. All he had that he could prepare quickly was a macaroni and cheese frozen dinner, so he nuked that and brought it back, setting it with some plastic utensils on the coffee table in front of Steven. Steven didn't move, didn't even look up.

"Eat it or I'm going to kick your ass. And you know I will." Nikki sat back down next to him. Steven glared over at him, then finally picked up a fork, picking at the food. Nikki watched him like a hawk until at least half of it was eaten.

"Why are you doing this, Nikki?" Steven demanded, sitting back and looking straight at Nikki. It was obvious he felt a little better having gotten something in his stomach.

"Damned if I know. I guess because you're kind of a friend. I don't have a lot of those left anymore. And because I've been where you're at."

"No, you haven't! Look at this," he gestured around the large, lavish living room. "You've never lost everything."

"The hell I haven't! Where do you think I was before Crue took off? You ainm't anything special, Stevie. Sure, you're down on your luck, but so are thousands of other guys! And you've got a hell of a lot more going for you than most of them!"

"Oh yeah?" Steven challenged. "Tell me, if you didn't have Tommy, would you have someone like me as your drummer?"

"Yup!" Nikki didn't hesitate. "Because you're good. If you get sober, you'll be even better than good. And you're cool to hang out with, Stevie. You're bright and open and cheerful. You might not believe it right now, but people like you."

Steven looked at Nikki for a long time, blue eyes into green, neither side flinching. "Do....do you like me, Nikki?" Steven finally asked, his voice hesitant.

Nikki felt something inside him soften and he found himself smiling at the younger man. Steven always could make him smile and now wasn't any different. "Yes, Stevie, I do. I like you a lot."

They had been sitting facing one another, Nikki's right arm across the back of the couch, and he moved his hand to stroke Steven's hair, absently working out some of the tangles with his fingers. After a minute the touch seemed to relax Steven and he leaned back, still facing Nikki but moving subtly closer as though he wanted more of Nikki's touch. Nikki's hand moved from Steven's hair to his shoulder, rubbing small, soothing circles. Steven's tension eased and he leaned into the touch almost subconsciously. It felt good to feel like someone cared, like someone valued him for more than his star status and what it could do for them. He hadn't seen Nikki since the older man got sober and he hadn't expected this new, caring side of his nature. It was like a balm to his shattered ego, something he desperately needed without the heroin to numb the feelings of rejection and hopelessness. Nikki didn't want to use him to score free drugs or to use his name to get into clubs and parties. Nikki didn't want to use him at all, he just wanted to help him get through this.

"Can I really do this, Nikki?" Steven's voice was barely a whisper.

Nikki closed the distance between them and impulsively hugged him. "Hell yeah, you can do it, man! If I can, anyone can!"  
He drew back from the hug just enough to give Steven a reassuring smile, but the fear and doubt in the drummer's blue eyes tore at him. He felt he had to do somethig to make that go away. He leaned forward and just brushed his lips lightly against Steven's, just for a brief second. He wanted very much to hold and comfort the other man, he knew how badly he himself had needed that when in Steven's situation, but he didn't want to freak him out.

It was as though Steven read his mind. "Can you.....can you do that again, Nikki? Can you keep your arms around me like this and.....and maybe kiss me again?" Steven's voice was small, almost fearful. The old Nikki would have knocked his teeth out for saying something like that.

"I can do anything you want, Stevie. Anything to help you feel better." and to prove he meant what he said, Nikki closed his lips over Steven's again, more firmly this time. With a jolt that seemed to go straight to his crotch, he felt Steven tentatively return the kiss, uncertain at first but when Nikki didn't flinch and push him away, he deepened it, his tongue daring to trace Nikki's bottom lip. Nikki opened his mouth, gladly allowing Steven in, his own tongue meeting and twining with Stevens as he felt his dick hardening. Steven gasped against his mouth, then moaned, drawing a moan from Nikki in response. Steven's hand went to the back of Nikki's head, pulling him closer, and Nikki tightened his arms around the younger man, leaning him back against the couch until they were lying down, Nikki half on top of Steven.

Steven couldn't believe this was happening. He half believed he was high or on some acid trip. The gorgeous, world famous Nikki Sixx was kissing him. He felt Nikki's hardness against his thigh, and he ground his own erection against Nikki's stomach. "Oh, God...I don't.....I can't...." he managed to gasp when they drew apart for breath. He felt Nikki palm him through his jeans, pressing lightly.

"I can help you through this, Steven. Will you let me?" Nikki whispered against his ear. Steven felt a twinge of shame for his filthy hair, his unwashed body and clothes. "Yes!" he managed to gasp as he felt Nikki's teeth grazing his neck, "but I'm not good enough....I'm dirty, I stink...."

"Shhh, shhh, you are good enough. You're fine, you're perfect." Nikki kissed him again and Steven cried out a quiet whine as he felt Nikki's hand at his zipper. Steven wasn't a stranger to encounters with other men but he would never have imagined Nikki would be interested in him or any other man. He'd heard speculation about Nikki and Tommy, of course. Everyone joked about those two, but Steven was starting to realize that there may be more to it than mere speculation.

Steven found his own hands on Nikki's zipper, trying to unbutton his jeans and slide the zipper down while they were entwinted in yet another hot kiss, Nikki's tongue exploring every inch of his mouth then kissing along his jawline to nip at his ear. Nikki already had his hand in Steven's pants and Steven felt strong fingers closing around him, Nikki's other hand sliding the jeans down over Steven's hips. He finally got Nikki's zipper open and Nikki himself took it from there, pushing his own pants down and kicking them off then sliding Steven's all the way off, tossing both pair carelessly on the floor. Steven felt his breath catch as he felt Nikki's hot cock against his own and he pushed his hips up, grinding against the other man, his head virtually spinning at the sensation. He heard Nikki's breath hitch in his throat, felt Nikki's hand around him again, stroking him slowly as he continued to kiss Steve and bite his neck with increasing force.

Nikki moved down Steven, kissing through the forest of fur on his chest until he found and nipped at his nipple, making Steven cry out and jump but also making his cock twitch. He could feel precome ooze and Nikki felt it too, swirling his thumb through it to coat the head of Steven's dick with it. Steven tried to reciprocate, his hand closing around Nikki, but Nikki stopped him by placing his own hand over Steven's.  
"Not yet, not yet..." he murmured, sucking small bites into the flesh of Steven's stomach, his fingers twirling through the hair there, lower and lower but going so slowly, too slowly for Steven. "Ahhh..." he cried out, frustration warring with need, bucking his hips into Nikki until Nikki pressed his hand against Steven's hip to hold him still.  
"Patience, Stevie, patience. I'll get you there, but you have to let me have my fun!" He nipped at Steven's pubic hair, catching some in his teeth with a low growl. He took his sweet time, working around but never too close to Steven's cock, occasionally breathing on it to frustrate Steven further but never actually touching it.  
"ahhh, Nikki, please...." Steven moaned.  
"No, babe, don't beg. Never beg anyone for anything." Nikki was saying this between nips and even small licks to Steven's upper thighs, his fingers lazily cupping and stroking his balls, the fingertips occasionally venturing beneath, close to but not touching Steven's hole. Steven was a wreck, lying back, squirming as much as possible with Nikki firmly holding him down, his fingers frantically twisting in Nikki's silky hair. Just when he thought he would surely go insane he was jolted by a long, deliberate lick up the length of his dick. He cried out loud, he couldn't help it, and he felt Nikki's grin against hi skin, then without warning he was suddenly enveloped in the moist heat of Nikki's mouth.  
"Oh my God!" Steven groaned. He couldn't remember when he'd felt so much sensation getting a blow job. Sex while high or strung out was dulled. Psychologically it could be more intense, but the actual physical sensations, the heat, the textures as Nikki's tongue worked at him even while his mouth slid up and down his length, was something he hadn't experienced in far too long. He was so absorbed, so caught up in what Nikki was doing to his dick that the fluttering touch of Nikki's fingertips against his hole was a surprise. A pleasant surprise.

Nikki didn't pause in his ministrations to Stevens cock even as his fingertips circled his hole in tighter and tighter spirals, every now and then brushing directly over him with just enough pressure to make him crave more. He bit his tongue to keep from begging for more, mindful of Nikki's earlier admonishment, but he couldn't stop himself from moaning. His dick was coated with a mix of his precome and Nikki's saliva now, and Nikki paused, gathering some on his fingertips before returning them to Steven's ass. Steven felt the pressure of Nikki's index finger against him, then caught his breath as it slipped inside. It had been quite awhile since he'd had anything up there but, surprisingly, there was very little pain and what little there was quickly vanished as Nikki began moving slowly moving his finger, twisting it slightly as he did. Another finger was added almost without Stevie realizing it and he felt Nikki exploring, jumping as though a bolt of electricity hit him as Nikki found the spot he was seeking.

Nikki was in no hurry, moving his fingers at an almost leisurely pace as his mouth returned to Steven's dick, this time concentrating only on the head, circling it with his tongue and teasing the slit until Stevie felt like screaming from want. After what felt like ages, Nikki let go and crawled back up his body, kissing him deeply then mouthing at his ear. "Do you want this, Stevie? I'll only do it if you really want it."

"Yes!" Stevie was beside himself, "I want it, oh God how I want it!"

That was all Nikki needed to hear. With another long, passionate kiss, Nikki lined himself up and slowly pushed inside with one long, agonizingly slow movement. He held still, quivering with the effort, until he felt Steven relax and begin to push against him. His strokes began slow and deliberate, moving easily as Stevie's legs raised higher and hooked above his hips. He slid his arms under Stevie's thighs and raised him higher, knowing when he hit Stevie's prostate when Stevie cried out and began to meet his every thrust in perfect sync, even as he thrashed his head from side to side against the couch beneath him. He looked up through hooded eyes, seeing Nikki, his own green eyes almost black with lust, boring straight into his, a look of intense focus and need on his perfect features.  
"I....I can't hold out..." Steven gasped, meeting Nikki's thrusts with as much force as he could muster from his position. For an answer, Nikki balanced himself on one arm, the other hand stroking Stevie's dick, the tempo faster and faster as the urgency of their thrusts increased.  
"Let it go, Stevie, let it go. Come for me, let me watch you come...." Nikki muttered half under his breath.  
But Steven heard him, and it was the last straw. As Nikki's grasping fingers slid down his length one more time, Stevie came hard with an almost-scream, striping both of their bellies with hot ribbons of thick white come. Nikki's eyes widened at the sight and with a loud "uungh' he drove himself as deep into Steven as he could and pumped him full of his own load.  
They stayed still for a long minute, then Nikki's arm gave out and he collapsed onto Stevies matted chest, snaking his arms under the drummer as Steven's own arms clasped around him.  
"so..." Nikki was still breathless, "are you willing to stay here and let me help you get back on your feet?"  
"Will....will I be getting more treatments like this?"  
Nikki gave a low chuckle. "Oh, you can count on it!"

CHAPTER TWO

 

TWO.

Steven woke up with a start and immediately regretted it as the dull pain of a throbbing hangover coursed through his head. He opened his eyes slowly, puzzled. He was aware that he was naked, covered by a light throw and lying on a couch. But not his couch. He didn't have a couch because he didn't have a home. Maybe he could find an apartment when his next royalty check came through, but he distinctly remembered Kari kicking him out as he was kicking smack. At least, that's why she told him she did it. Inwardly he suspected it was really beause he'd been fired from the band. Kari was a groupie. She wanted a rock star boyfriend, not a pathetic strung out has-been.

Steven sat up slowly, clutching the throw around his nudity. Where the fuck was he? It was obviously someone's living room, and someone wealthy at that. His clothes were lying folded across a nearby chair and he redressed himself, moving slowly because of the pounding in his head. Fragments of the night before were coming back to him, disjointed images that didn't make any sense. He recalled being in a bar, three sheets to the wind, and then there were some blurry images of being brought to this house. Of being kissed. And...oh shit! He remembered having mindblowing sex the likes of which he'd only experienced a few times in his life. Sex with a man. That in itself wasn't alarming, he'd never been particularly discerning about the gender of who he'd slept with. But the identity of the man who'd taken him home and fucked him silly suddenly clicked in Steven's brain. It had been Nikki Sixx!

Steven raked his fingers through his tangled blond mane and tentatively staryted to explore the house. It was huge, and surprisingly tasteully decorated for someone like Nikki to live in. He reminded himself that this was a new Nikki, a sober Nikki, not the crazy fucker he had last seen a year or so ago. And this new Nikki had offered to let him stay here in this mansion until he could get his shit together. But why? There had to be a catch. Sober or not, Nikki Sixx wasn't a man to be generous or helpful.

Faint sounds of a television came from the rear of the house and Steven followed the sounds. He came out in a large room filled with exercise equipment, the rear wall of which was floor to ceiling windows overlooking an expansive pool area outside. Nikki was running on a treadmill while watching a television mounted above the windows and hadn't noticed Steven. Steven had to run his hand across his eyes, half convinced that this was some weird trick his mind was playing on him, some side effect of his withdrawls. Nikki Sixx exercising. That just doesn't happen. What alternate universe did he wake up in?

Just then Nikki must have sensed Steven behind him because he looked over his shoulder, then turned off the treadmill and came over to him with a wide grin.  
"Stevie, you're finally awake! How are you feeling?"  
"Um...okay, I guess" Steven mumbled, taken aback by Nikki's enthusiastic attitide. "Just got a hangover...," he trailed off.  
Nikki actually gave the blond a quick hug and as soon as he touched him Steven was sharply reminded of the intimacy of night before. He felt as though his skn was electrified where Nikki slung his arm across Stevie's shoulders, steering him toward the kitchen.  
"I had breakfast already but let's find something for you," Nikki was saying.  
Steven let himself be led along to the expansive kitchen and sat on a tall stool Nikki indicated at the island.  
"I know Olga bought some sausage links," Nikki muttered, rummaging in a freezer. Steven still felt dazed as he watched the older man fry eggs and sausage links. Now Nikki Sixx was cooking. What the fuck had happened to the world!?  
"I'm not really hungry," He mumbled as the other man set a plate in front of him.  
"Well, eat as much as you can." Nikki poured a tall glass of orange jiuce and put it before the drummer along with a bottle of aspirin. Steven gratefully downed four of the aspirin, desperate to ease the pounding in his skull.  
Nikki sat opposite him, encouraging Steven to eat as he picked at the food. Once he got started, Steven realized it was actually very good and ate almost all before realizing it.  
"Good. Your appetite is coming back. That's important at this stage of recovery, you have to get the right nutrients.  
"Jesus Christ, Nikki!" Steven burst out, unable to keep silent any longer. "Did you swallow a fucking rehab manual or something? What the hell happened to you?"  
Nikki didn't answer right away, just gazing at the young drummer evenly across the island. "I wised up, Stevie." He finally said. "And I grew up. And I'll be damned if I'm going to watch you go through the hell I went through."  
"But why help me?" Steven was genuinely puzzled. "Junkies are a dime a dozen in our business. You can't try to help all of us. Why me?"  
Nikki's voice lowered a register. "Don't you remember last night, Stevie?"  
Even as jaded in decadence as he was, Steven found himself blushing.  
"Yeah, I remember." His voice went quiet, almost embarrassed.  
"Do you want my help, Stevie? If you want me to, I can drive you back to where I found you last night. But if you want to get clean, and I mean really get clean and stay clean, you're welcome here. I'll give you your own room, you don't have to sleep with me, if that's what you're thinking. That was..........that was impulsive of me last night. And it was probably a mistake. You were drunk and upset and I kind of got carried away. If you regret it, I'm sorry."  
Steven's throbbing head was easing now and he could think more clearly. He saw nothing but honesty in Nikki's hazel eyes, nothing but sincerety in his expression.  
"Do you regret it, Nikki?" he managed to ask.  
Without hesitation, the bassist shook his head. "No. I've wanted you since we toured together in '87. But I was really fucked up then never had an opportunity. Now I'm clean, and you're here. Still, there are no strings attached if you decide to stay here."

 

CHAPTER THREE

 

Steven was uneasy all day. He knew of only one way to settle his nerves but, as much as he wanted it, shooting up wasn't possible. Okay, not strictly true. it was possible. He could walk out of Nikki's house any time, call his dealer, and be high within an hour. But he'd gone through what felt like living death with withdrawls and he knew he would have to be insane to throw all of that away. Heroin had already cost him his dream of being a rock star and it lost him every relationship he'd ever valued. As far as he could tell Nikki's offer of help was sincere and he wasn't willing to throw that away.  
Nikki arranged to have Steven's belongings picked up fro m the storage locker he's hastily stowed them in when Kari threw him out. When they were delivered Nikki had them brought to one of the home's many bedrooms just down the hall from his own room. Steven remembered their morning talk and that Nikki had implied they would be sharing a room - and a bed - and wondered whether the older man had changed his mind. He felt a pang of disappointment but pushed it down. He knew he couldn't complain, he could very easily be on the street or begging to sleep on somebody's couch.  
Nikki had a rehearsal space in a building off the pool area and the two of them jammed through the evening, polishing off a dozen beers apiece. Steven would have preferred Jack but Nikki would only give him beer and, to his credit, stuck with beer for himself for Steven's sake. They returned to the main house after midnight, and in spite of his buzz Steven felt his nerves return. Once upstairs Steven stopped at the door to his room, having convinced himself he'd misunderstood Nikki's intentions about the sleeping arrangements.  
"Hey, Stevie," Nikki noticed the younger man was no longer walking at his side, "what's the matter?" He walked back to stand in front of the blond, putting a hand on his forearm. "It's cool if you'd rather stay here, man, but if you don't want to be alone......," he let his fingers run up Steven's arm, giving the younger man shivers.  
"I....I wasn't sure....," Stevie felt more awkward than he'd felt since he was a kid, his natural bubbliness unaccountably subdued.  
Nikki smiled. A genuine smile, not the sneering grin the rest of the world was so familiar with. "You weren't sure if I wanted you to spend the night with me? Well, I do, but only if you want to."  
Steven closed the space between them. "I do want to. I was pretty drunk last night, I don't remember it all very well." He was pressed up against the bassist now, still feeling hesitant but also very turned on. Good God, he thought to himself, is this what it's like to be sober? Every little doubt magnified, every physical reaction sharp and defined? He felt as though he were outside of himself, barely recognizing himself as he leaned and touched his lips to Nikki's.  
Nikki responded immediately, but rather than aggressively crushing against him as Steven expected, the kiss was soft, almost gentle. For the hundredth time that day Steven questioned whether this was all some long, crazy trip, even though he knew inside that it wasn't.  
Nikki took the drummer's hand and led him to his master bedroom. Stevie barely had time to register the huge room with it'sornate, almost baroque decorating theme before Nikki drew him in for another kiss. This time, though, Steven was more confidant, backing Nikki up to the king sized bed and following him down as he sat. Stevie knelt on the floor between Nikki's legs, still wrapped in an increasingly torrid kiss, and slid his hands beneath the bassist's tank top, running his palms across his stomach then letting his fingertips dip beneath the waistband of Nikki's jeans. He knew what he wanted to do, he only hoped he could do it. It had been a long time since he'd done anything like this, but he wanted to give Nikki the best head of his life.  
Nikki tried ti reciprocate, pulling up on Stevie's t-shirt, but Steven grasped his hands, stilling them. "No. Last night you gave me all the attention. Let me do it for you this time, okay?"  
"Stevie, you know you don't have to....."  
"I know, but I want to. Damn it, Nikki, last night was probably the best sex of my life! I was drunk and still a little strung out yet it was still incredible. I'm barely buzzed tonight and I don't feel all jumpy. I want to do it right."  
Nikki gave in, and Stevie pulled the older man's shirt over his head, following it with slow, moist kisses and little nips. When he reached Nikki's nipple he took the older man by surprise, nipping first one then the other, then rubbing small circles over them to ease the sting. He could feel the heat from the hardness in Nikki's jeans against his stomach from where he knelt and he pressed against it, still lavishing attention to the bassist's chest and stomach. Nikki stroked his calloused fingers through Steven's fluffy blond hair, his breath quickening as the younger man's mouth returned to one nipple, while his fingers pinched the other, rolling it between the thumb and forefinger.  
"Damn it, Stevie, hurry....," Nikki gasped, pressing his groin hard against the younger man. Stevie's own jeans were growing impossibly tight but he fought down the urge to reach down and free himself, instead loosening Nikki's jeans and sliding them slowly down his hips. Nikki hastily slipped them the rest of the way off, kicking them off along with his shoes then lying back on the bed, scooting up toward the headboard as Stevie raised up and knelt over him to cover his lips then his jawline with kisses, grazing his teeth lightly down his neck.  
"At least....at least get naked, Stevie," Nikki managed to say, so Stevie quickly shed his own clothes then got back to business. He could feel the bassist's cock rock hard against him, feeling the moist precum smearing along his belly and chest as he worked his way back down Nikki's body, but still he avoided giving attention where Nikki needed it worst. He kissed down his hipbone and along his inner thigh, licking his way back up only to kiss his way back down the other leg. Nikki was moaning quietly now, his hands more frantic in Steven's hair, and when without warning Steven placed a long, slow lick straight up the underside of his cock he cried out loud.  
"Fuck, Stevie, oh my god!"  
The words caused Steven's own dick to twitch and he pressed his own hips against the bed for some much needed friction even as he placed another torturously slow lick up the older man's cock. He did this several more times before swirling his tongue around the head then sucking the head into his lips, releasing it quickly with a pop sound.  
"Stevie, enough! Enough, goddamn it, I've got to fuck you now. Let me fuck you, please," Nikki groaned. Stevie moaned around his cock, turned on beyond belief by the older man's words, and when Nikki moved to pull him up to his level, he let him.  
Nikki kissed him, a deep kiss, their tongues twining and delving into the depths of one another's mouths, then Nikki flipped Stevie over onto his back. Stevie was a bundle of pure lust by this time and only dimply aware of Nikki opening a bedside drawer and pulling out a bottle of lube.  
"I want to prep you right," Nikki was panting, "but I don't know how much longer I can wait."  
Steven felt the warming gel on Nikki's fingers as they probed between his legs, tracing across his hole. "Just do it, just pour on some lube and do it," Steven moaned, so sensitive by now that he almost thought he's come just from the touch of Nikki's stomach against his cock.  
Nikki still tried to prep Stevie, lubing up two fingers and slowly inserting them, but Stevie bore down hard against his hand. "Now, Nikki! I can't wait either, do it now!"  
Nikki gave Stevie a quick kiss and the younger man felt the head of his cock against him, then slowly sliding in. Once completely sheathed, he paused until Stevie got used to the fullness, then began to move. They both knew it wasn't going to take long, and it didn't. Nikki's cock brushed Stevie's prostate, causing him to cry out, so Nikki adjusted his angle so he brushed it with every stroke. Stevie felt he was losing his mind and when Nikki reached down to take him in his hand he suddenly lost it, coming with a near scream, dousing both their stomachs with thick, hot semen.  
Nikki groaned, "Oh God, Stevie!" and came as well, pumping the other man full, his orgasm going on and on until he collapsed across Steven's chest.  
They took several minutes to even feel like moving, then Nikki slid the sheets down and drawing them up over their exhausted bodies.  
"Last night," Steven finally said with a slight laugh, "was not a figment of my imagination after all!"  
Nikki chuckled tiredly, "Just wait until you see how I'm going to wake you up in the morning!"

Steven knew he was lucky. Very lucky. For ten years at least he hadn't gone longer than several hours without some kind of substance dulling his senses. Booze or drugs or both. Now as the days passed and he stayed sober, his mind grew clearer and gradually memories came back to him. Some of them good, mostly from when he was a little kid. And from school, where he first met Slash and got interested in music. He remembered the thrill of getting his first drum kit and his first paying gig as a drummer. But more of the memories weren't as pleasant, and these were the things he's gotten deeper and deeper in drugs to forget. He remembered coming home drunk once too often and his mother telling he wasn't welcome there any more. A bad influence on Jamie, they told him. That had hurt; he loved his little brother, he would never do anything to harm him. He remembered being fifteen and homeless, being forced to suck off strangers on the street in exchange for food or a place to sleep. Slash may have helped him, but they had drifted apart until running into each other on the strip years later. He remembered the sweet oblivion drugs and alcohol had provided then, when he had nothing else.   
But now he knew he could have ended up as just another statistic, just another fucked up kid found dead in an alley somewhere, either from an OD or as some random unsolved murder. Guns n Roses had taken him away from that. Then, by firing him, they had thrown him right back where he started. If Nikki hadn't come along.......well, he didn't want to think about that. Nikki had come along, had taken him into his home, counseled him when he felt the old itch creep up on him for a hit, held him in the night when he lay sweating, tossing and turning, unable to sleep because of the changes in his system as it learned to function normally again. Even as close as he had been to the professional music world and as well as he'd thought he'd known Motley Crue, he would never had imagined Nikki could show compassion and kindness, least of all to the fucked up goofy drummer from Guns n Roses.   
It went deeper than mere kindness, Stevie felt. The two of them would laugh together as they shot pool in Nikki's game room, jammed together in the rehearsal room, or just simply relaxed together out by the pool or lying on the couch in the evenings watching movies. Steven looked especially forward to the evenings, sitting close to Nikki, snuggling close to the older man and feeling Nikki's fingers stroke through his hair.   
Nikki had obligations to go to most days even though Crue wasn't doing anything at the moment. He had a radio show, had a publishing company negotiating with him on a book deal, even a camera manufacturer wanting him to endorse their cameras. For the first few days, Steven had to fight down a panic when the bassist left the house. What if he got the craving for a hit and Nikki wasn't there to talk him through it? What if something happened and he somehow damaged or broke some of Nikki's expensive possessions? Steven had been told he was a fuck up for so long he believed it, he believed he couldn't be trusted alone in a mansion full of valuables. Nikki just chuckled and shook his head fondly when Steven voiced his self doubts.   
"Do you think I would let just anyone have the run of my house? This is your home too now, as long as you need it to be. You're going to be fine, babe!"  
Nikki had given him a soft kiss and left, and over the next few days Steven realized he was going to be fine, nothing bad was going to happen. That didn't mean he wasn't anxious for Nikki's return, however. The huge house felt empty even though various household staff were usually somewhere on the premises. It was empty as long as Nikki was absent because Steven himself felt empty without his presence. He managed to keep himself occupied but a part of him was always listening for the other man's return, and when he eventually did hear the muted roar of Nikki's Porsche coming up the drive he was waiting at the door before the older man could even reach it.  
Steven had been at Nikki's for ten days He felt better than he had in years. Empty-headed 'Popcorn' Adler had become a part of the world again. The days of laughter, evenings of companionship, and long nights of mind-boggling passion had healed him, he felt - it had saved him. He would always get out of bed later than Nikki, even though the bassist would often wake him with a blowjob or even just a handjob earlier. Steven had fallen back asleep sated when Nikki left the bed and it was close to noon when he finally showered, dressed, and made his way downstairs. Nikki didn't have anything scheduled but he wasn't in the exercise room so the next place Steven looked was the kitchen. He was almost crossing the dining area when he heard the murmur of voices from the kitchen. Angry voices. He knew Nikki wasn't talking with the staff, he never showed impatience or anger toward his employees and besides the other voice Steven heard was vaguely familiar. He was about to go in to see who else was with Nikki when he heard his name spoken and instinctively stopped, perking up his ears.  
"Leave Stevie out of this," Nikki was saying. "this has nothing to do with him."  
"Bullshit!" The other voice was a mixture of bitterness and derision. "You think I'm stupid, Sixx?"  
Steven crept forward until he was at an angle to see into the kitchen. That was why the other man's voice sounded familiar; it was Tommy Lee. Ordinarily Steven would be pleased to see the other drummer but somehow he sensed it was best not to make his presence known.  
"Come on T-Bone, we've been over this a hundred times." Nikki sounded weary. The two men stood near the breakfast table, their body language tense and edgy, and Steven saw that the table had been laid with the healthy breakfast Nikki insisted he eat.  
"And we'll go over it a hundred more! Goddamn it, Nikki, it's not over!"   
"It has to be. I'm clean now. You're married. We aren't the same people anymore. We both have to move on."  
"Move on!" Tommy was losing his temper and he started pacing angrily. "Is that what you call it, moving on? I've been with Heather for years but it never worried you until you got clean! And now you bring Adler here! Another drummer? How obvious could you be, man? You're trying to manipulate me, trying to make me jealous so I'll clean up too and be your little fuck buddy again! Because you don't trust yourself to be around me now, you don't trust yourself to stay clean! You want me but you want me on your terms and it's just not gonna happen that way!"  
"Tommy, man, " Nikki rubbed his hand across his face, "whether I want you or not doesn't matter. I can't have you. I never did have you, not really, I was just too fucked up to care."  
Tommy stopped pacing, stopping in front of his friend. His anger seemed to have vanished, leaving only sadness. "You know I love you, man. I've always loved you."  
Steven felt his chest constrict. He cursed his newly sharp mind now, he wished with all his heart he was stoned, shit-faced oblivious, as he heard Nikki's quiet voice.  
"I've always loved you too, T-Bone. I always will."  
He couldn't stay there another second. Steven turned and fled back up the stairs, aware of nothing except the pain in his heart. Nikki hadn't been showing him kindness, hadn't cared for him at all. He'd merely been using him for his own ends, using his presence here in the house to try to get what he wanted from Tommy. All the confidence Steven had been slowly building up, all the optimism, the tiny spark of belief in himself that he'd allowed to take root in his heart had all been based on a lie. Nikki was no different from anyone else he's known, not caring a damn about him.  
Steven couldn't think of anything except to get out of that house. He would be better off on the street, at least he already knew he couldn't trust anyone there. He grabbed his denim jacket, his wallet with his few remaining dollars in it, and ran down and out the front door, not stopping until he was past the front gates and out on the sidewalk. He didn't know where he was going, he didn't know anyone in Van Nuys, but he could call someone as soon as he found a payphone. And there was only one person he could call. His dealer.   
"It'll take me a couple of hours to get there, Steve"  
"Come as quick as you can, Mike. I've gotta get out of here!"  
Steven hung up the payphone and sighed. He's walked nearly an hour already to find the convenience store. It was hot and he was tired. But none of that mattered, all he could think about was the tight knot of misery in his chest. Nikki had lied to him, betrayed him, and led him on. Not that he hadn't been willing, Steven admitted. More than willing, and if he forced himself to be honest he had to admit that the older man had never given him any reason to think their relationship was anything more than one of convenience. He got a place to live while he finished recuperating from a decade of abusing his body, and Nikki got company and sex. It was simple when you thought of it in those terms, Steven realized.   
But in his mind he'd made it into much more than it was. Typical. He'd always believed the best of people, always been able to stay upbeat and positive in spite of all the shit he'd seen. At least until Guns had kicked him out. He'd believed the band had been like brothers, that it was all for one and one for all. He knew Axl had been becoming more of a diva lately and that Izzy had already been close to quitting several times, but he never really believed anything could break them up. It had shattered him when he was told in no uncertain terms that he was out. The only family he'd had since he was a little kid had abandoned him overnight.  
Stevie moved out of the blazing sun, away from the storefront where the phone was located. There were palm trees lining the street, they offered very little shade but it was better than noting. He sat on the ground beneath one, his back to the trunk, pulled his legs up and bowed his head over his knees, willing himself not to cry. God, where was Mike? He told the dealer to bring the stuff, he'd cook it up right then and there. Mike knew he couldn't pay right now but the dealer knew Stevie was good for it. Royalty checks came in monthly, it was less than a week until the next one and maybe then Stevie could find an apartment or some place to live. Maybe he could get straightened out without Nikki's help, without anyone's help. At least he tried to tell himself that, even as he sat there practically drooling in anticipation for the bliss Mike was bringing.  
Steven lost the battle with himself not to cry. Why had Nikki done this to him, why had he used him?! Steven had really believed the bassist had been genuine, that he had really taken an interest in Steven's recovery. And in his heart Steven knew he'd hoped it was more than that, that the nights they spent together meant something to Nikki. The passion was intense but the physical side of it was understandable, you didn't have to feel anything for the other person to get your rocks off. But how could he have faked those slow, tender touches, those long, deep kisses? Steven had looked into those lying green eyes and had convinced himself he saw genuine affection there. Maybe, he reflected bitterly, he really was as stupid as everyone believed he was.   
Deep in his misery Steven hadn't heard the car pull up to the curb but when he heard a car door close he looked up, hoping it was Mike and not the cops, believing he was a vagrant. Well, I am a vagrant, he thought. The sun was in his eyes and he squinted at the dark figure approaching him until the other man plopped to the ground next to him and Steven found himself looking straight at Nikki Sixx.  
"What are you doing here?" Steven knew he sounded petulant but he didn't care.  
"I could ask you that question, man. I looked everywhere for you, all over the house and yard. Then the mailman said he saw you walking this way. What's up, Stevie?"  
"I'm going back to town. I don't belong here." He looked away, he couldn't even look at Nikki.  
"I always said you could leave anytime, but I thought you were happy at my house. If you want to go I won't try to stop you, but can you at least tell me why you changed your mind?"  
Steven shook his head, still staring into the distance. He didn't trust himself to speak.  
"Okay then, tell me where you're going? How are you going to get back to the Strip?"  
"Mike's coming."  
"Mike!" Nikki knew Mike, he was the supplier to a lot of musicians. Nikki's calm demeanor vanished, he reached out and clutched Steven's shoulders hard, forcing him to look at him. "Are you serious, man? You're going back on smack? You can't Steven! You're clean now, you've moved past all the worst of the withdrawals. Why the fuck do you want to throw it all away?!"  
"Come off it, Nikki!" Steven's forced dead calm threatened to give way to the tumultuous hurricane of emotions inside. "You know you don't give a fuck about me! I may be stupid, but even I can see the light sometimes!"  
Nikki seemed stunned. "What are you talking about? Of course I care about you."  
"Bullshit! I should have known you hadn't changed, you're still the same selfish, heartless asshole you've always been!"   
Steven's hold on his emotions was cracking and he stood, wanting to get away from Nikki. Nikki stood too, and when Steven tried to walk away Nikki grabbed his arm, whirling him around to face him. "Steve, I don't deserve that! I left you in bed this morning as happy as could be, I'd just given you one hell of an orgasm and you couldn't stop smiling. Now you're calling me names and trying to run back to the Strip so you can shoot up and OD in a gutter someplace in your own piss and puke. You better tell me right now what the hell is going on with you!!"  
Steven shook off Nikki's grip and faced him. "Go home Nikki, go back to Tommy!"  
Nikki looked taken aback. "Tommy? What's he got to do with it?"  
"Just never mind, man." Steven made to walk away again but Nikki spun him around harder this time, almost violently.  
"You owe me some answers, Steven!" He was shouting and people in passing cars were slowing down, staring. He forced himself to lower his voice. "Come on, sit in the car with me, get out of the heat. I promise I'll let you go if that's what you really want to do, but talk to me, man."  
Steven sighed. He knew Nikki wasn't going to let this go. "Fine, but don't drive anyplace. Mike will be here soon looking for me."  
They walked to Nikki's car, he had his Land Cruiser this time, and Steven got in the passenger seat. Nikki started the vehicle and turned the AC on, then turned to Steven. "All right, talk. And it had better be good!"  
Steven shook his head, trying to organize his thoughts. "It's just.....I didn't ask for any of this, y'know? I didn't ask you to bring me home with you, I didn't ask for your help."  
"I know, but you didn't have to ask. It's what friends do, they help each other."  
"We're not friends." Steven said sullenly.  
Nikki was quiet and Steven finally looked up at him. He expected to see anger and exasperation, but all he saw was hurt in the older man's eyes.  
"I thought we were." his voice was barely audible when he finally spoke.   
"Yeah, so did I until I found out you were just using me." Steven had never heard himself sounding so bitter.  
"There you go again!" This time Nikki was exasperated, pounding his palm on the steering wheel, "talking in riddles. What.The.Fuck.Are.You.Talking.About?"  
Steven was staring out the window at the heat shimmering off the sidewalk. "I overheard you talking to Tommy this morning. I know I'm only there so Tommy would get jealous and clean up for you." His voice was barely a whisper, Nikki actually had to strain to hear him.  
Steven was silent for a moment, then he turned to the older man, his blue eyes shining with moisture. "I know you're in love with him, I heard you say so."  
Nikki was silent. The seconds stretched into awkward minutes. "I don't remember exactly what T-Bone and I said, and I'm sorry if we said anything to hurt you. Tommy and I were together for a long time and maybe I did tell him I loved him. But Stevie, man, why did hearing us make you leave and call your dealer? I don't get it."  
"Of course you don't! I can't stay there now, man. I just can't."  
"But why?" Nikki was genuinely mystified.  
Steven's lips were trembling and he felt tears sliding down his face. "Because I'm falling in love with you, Nikki. I'm in love with you and I can't bear to be around you if....if you don't...if you can't.... Oh, fuck it!"  
Steven tried the door handle but Nikki did the same thing he'd done that first night; he hit the all-lock button, locking Steven in the car.  
"No you don't, man, you're not going anywhere, not after saying something like that! Look at me, Stevie." He reached out and took hold of Steven's chin. The younger man tried to wrench away but Nikki tightened his grip, forcing Steven to face him.  
"Listen, me and Tommy have a history. Everyone knows us, the Terror Twins, right? But we have a deeper history that no one knows about. We were lovers for eight years and yeah, we were in love. But then he got married and I became just a piece on the side for him. That was fine, I'd just shoot up and ignore how much it hurt to see him and Heather all over the tabloids. Then last year I'd had enough. I got clean, and Tommy didn't. We fought constantly and I realized I wasn't in love with him anymore, I'd just been so fucked up I didn't realize it. If I said I love him this morning I meant I love him like a friend, like a brother. Like an ex. Because we'll never be anything more than that again."  
Steven looked at Nikki. He looked sincere, he looked earnest and Steven felt himself believing him. Still, he couldn't speak. He'd put his heart on his sleeve and now he could only wait helplessly to see what the fallout would be.  
"Stevie," Nikki's grip on Steven's face loosened and he moved his fingers to gently stroke the drummers cheek, "I'm not using you. I wouldn't do that. I care for you, man. The first night I brought you home I really just wanted to fuck you, you've always turned me on with your beautiful smile and your hot little ass, but by the end of that night I already felt something for you. I do feel something for you, it's stronger all the time. I think I'm falling in love with you too."  
Steven's mouth dropped open. He'd fully expected to be told to leave the car, that if he wanted something from Nikki that the older man couldn't give then it was best he go. He hadn't dare hold out even a sliver of hope that Nikki could ever return his feelings. "You....you're not saying that just to keep me from going with Mike and shooting up?"  
Nikki shook his head with a smile then leaned into Steven, capturing the blond's full lips in a kiss. "I want you to come back home, Stevie. I want to show you how much I do care for you." He kissed Steven again, harder this time, his tongue seeking Steven's out and sucking on it until the younger man moaned. He could only nod his acquiescence.  
The two men wasted no time when they returned to Nikki's mansion. Wandering hands in the vehicle during the hurried drive had worked them both up to a fever pitch and they were no sooner inside the door than Nikki had Steven pinned to the wall of the foyer, his knee between the blond's legs, grinding his groin into the younger man's hip. Steven's hands slipped behind Nikki and under the waistband of his cargo shorts, cupping his butt, pulling him tighter and riding his leg as their mouths meshed and their hands tore one another's shirts off.  
"Upstairs." Steven managed to murmur against Nikki's lips.  
"No ,no...... I can't wait that long, I've got to have you now!" Nikki steered them to the couch. Steven pulled the dark haired man down over hip and he lay back, his hands sliding over Nikki's tattooed chest and stomach, pausing only to unclasp the button on Nikki's shorts and slip his hand inside. He found Nikki rock hard, so hard that it had to have been painful, and as he tightened his fingers around the shaft Nikki let out a low cry.  
"Easy, easy Stevie. I can't take much, let me catch my breath."  
As much as Stevie wanted to keep stroking Nikki's length, he relented, removing his hand and letting the other man compose himself as he slipped off his own jeans. He was worked up beyond belief himself, heady with the knowledge that Nikki really did want him, may even love him.   
Nikki started kissing Steven again, moving slowly down the blond's jaw and to his neck. Stevie lifted his chin giving Nikki access, and the older man covered his collarbone with light, wet kisses, sucking lightly on the skin then teasing the flesh with tingling strokes of the tip of his tongue. His fingers tangled in the thick dark hair on Steven's torso and all Steven could do was sink his face into the thick dark hair of the older man, licking his neck and ear, causing a visible shiver to course through Nikki.   
When the bassist's kisses reached Steven's cock he was too eager to take the time to tease, suddenly engulfing the entire length at once and nearly making Stevie lose it right then. Nikki's fingers were already at Steven's entrance, using saliva and the precum oozing from Steven as lubricant. Steven moaned long and low as he felt the other man's calloused fingers breach him, two at once even ad Nikki continued to move his lips along Steven's cock.  
"God, Nikki, please! I need it, I need you now Nikki, I love you and I need you!" He scarcely knew what he was saying and sighed in relief as Nikki's fingers were replaced by his cock. There wasn't enough lubricant, it stung at first, but Nikki knew exactly how to make the sting go away. He leaned over Steven on one forearm, his other hand stroking Steven slowly as he kissed the younger man. Steven bucked his hips, meeting Nikki's every thrust. It was raw and primal yet charged with emotion as Steven repeatedly murmured words of love in Nikki's ear. It finally grew to be too much for the older man. He raised up, grasping Steven's thighs and angling his thrusts to meet the blond's prostate every time until he saw that Steven was on the very edge. He tossed his head, blond hair clinging to his face with perspiration, his cheeks flushed and his whole expression of ecstasy.  
"Oh God yes, Stevie, yes!" Nikki lost all control, "I love you, Stevie, I love you, man!" He felt Steven twitch and then pulse, cum spurting in a thick white fountain on both of their stomachs as he himself saw stars, filling Steven with what felt like the biggest load of his life.  
He fell atop the younger man, nearly unconscious. Steven stroked the thick dyed black hair away from his face, continuing to stroke Nikki's hair. The older man was heavy, dead weight on his chest, but in a moment he stirred and rolled off, keeping Steven held tight as they squeezed together side by side on the couch. When he felt he was able to speal again, Nikki opened his eyes and kissed Steven's forehead.  
"I mean it, you know." He kissed him again, this time on the cheek. "I wasn't just talking shit in a moment of passion. I do love you, Stevie. I'm sure of it now, I really do love you."

 

Tommy was pissed. This was a Motley Crue event. Crue had won yet another stupid award, he hadn't even paid attention to what it was for, and now he couldn't even enjoy the party. Coke was flowing like sand, half naked girls were everywhere, and there was enough booze here to fill a swimming pool. He should have been in his element but instead he was seething. Across the room he could see Nikki and, close by his side, the bright blonde head of Steven Adler. They went everywhere together these days. Tommy hadn't even had a chance to speak with the bassist since he had visited Nikki's house nearly a month ago to try to persuade his ex to give up his ridiculous sobriety. They were rock stars, they were supposed to be high and drunk all the time! Tommy knew if he could just get Nikki high, or even get him drunk enough, he would have him right back where he had always been. Right back at Tommy's beck and call every time Heather was away filming something-or-other and he was horny.

Nikki was aware of the glares he was receiving from the drummer, but he ignored them. For once he was glad that Steven was often oblivious to any negativity around him. Clean and sober, Steven was a ray of sunshine, his easy smile and naturally cheery nature seemingly boundless. He was the perfect contrast to Nikki, who's troubled past tended to leave him with bouts of depression and self doubt. He couldn't get enough of the young blonde drummer, he was as addictive to Nikki as the drugs had once been. His hand on Steven' back, Nikki moved them further away from Tommy. A black cloud of resentment seemed to emanate from the man and Nikki felt a need to shield his young lover from it.

It was a challenge for the both of them to find a way of avoiding entanglements with the myriad groupies and strippers without arousing suspicion, and it was an even greater challenge for them to be around so much drugs and booze without imbibing. They each had a few glasses of wine, which to the two of them was little better than Kool Aid, and distracted themselves with food from the buffet. It was with a sense of relief when they felt they had put in enough of a presence and could leave the celebrations. Under the portico outside, waiting to the valet to bring the car around, Nikki dared pull Steven close and kiss his cheek. 

"You did great, baby, I'm proud of you. They offered you coke, pills, ecstasy, and everything else imaginable and you turned it all down."

Steven looked up at him, his bright blue eyes shining. "It was easier than I thought it would be. I just had to look over at you and I knew you'd be disappointed in me if I took any of that shit. Thanks, man."

For a reply Nikki pulled him close again, but a sneering laugh behind them made them jump apart.

"Well, well, well, isn't this sweet! So fucking sweet I could just puke!" Tommy had come out without their having noticed and was standing a few feet behind them, his arms crossed over his chest, a look of sheer malevolence on his face.

"What do you want, Tommy?" Nikki's voice was cold and he kept his arm around Steven, who drew a little closer to him.

"Want? Since when do I have to want something to talk to my old buddy Nikki? Even if you have been avoiding me like the plague all night!"

"You're stoned, T-bone. The party is still in full swing, what are you doing out here?"

Tommy didn't answer Nikki, instead turning his attention to Steven. "Hey Adler, how ya doing, man?" His voice practically dripped with false friendliness.

Steven sensed the tension but didn't know how to deal with it. "I'm okay." 

"Yeah, you're okay. Guns kicked you aside but you landed on your feet, didn't you? Living in a big mansion, being Nikki's little boy toy. Pretty sweet deal you found for yourself!" 

Steven felt like he was a little kid again, being picked on by the bullies in the schoolyard. He was intimidated, and Tommy knew it.

Nikki wasn't the least bit intimidated however. "Shut the fuck up and leave us alone, Tommy. You're acting like an ass."

"Well I guess you would know all about asses, seeing as you've got one handy to fuck any time you want now! Very convenient."

Nikki may have mellowed in some ways since he'd gotten clean but he could still be dangerously unpredictable and he felt anger stirring now. He took a step toward Tommy, ignoring Steven who clutched at his arm in an attempt to hold him back.

"You're so fucking wasted you don't even know how stupid you sound, so why don't you just get back inside. Or have you forgotten I can kick your ass?" 

"I haven't forgotten anything you can do to my ass!"

That was all it took for Nikki's volatile nature to ignite and before Tommy's drunken senses could react Nikki hit him hard with a closed fist in the jaw. He reeled backward, not feeling the pain due to everything in his system but knocked back several feet from the sheer impact.

"Nikki, no!" Steven was shouting. "Come on, man, the car's here. Let's go home." He grabbed Nikki by the wrist even as the older man was closing in on a stunned Tommy for another blow. Nikki's instinct was to shake him off but he looked at Steven and turned on his heel, climbing behind the wheel of the Porsche and squealing his tires out of the lot.

The drive back to the house was tense and Steven had to clench his fingers around the armrest several times as Nikki weaved through the busy streets. Once they were on the freeway he floored it, the other traffic just a blur outside the window. Looking across the seat he saw Nikki's tense profile and didn't dare speak. Images flashed through his head of the many times he had seen the dark haired bassist over the past several years kicking furniture, punching walls, trashing hotel rooms, and generally wreaking havoc. 

He breathed a sigh of relief when Nikki roared up the drive to the mansion. Once inside he started for the stairs, planning to leave Nikki alone to cool down, but he felt himself pulled back and flung against the foyer wall. Nikki crushed his body against Stevens and assaulted his mouth with a rough kiss, all teeth and aggression as his hand groped the front of the drummer's leather pants. Not taking time to unlace them he yanked them down, the friction tearing at the tender skin of Steven's hips, he grabbed his cock and squeezing painfully.

"Nikki, what......" Steven couldn't finish, Nikki's mouth descending on him again, pushing his head back into the wall with a smack, teeth grating against Steven's lips until the younger man tasted the tang of blood. Nikki drew back only long enough to spin Steven around, holding him against the wall with he undid his own pants and without any preparation of lubrication whatsoever slamming himself full length into him. Unable to even spread his legs because his pants were around his knees, pain ripped through Steven and he screamed. Nikki paid him no mind. He thrust cruelly into the younger man and all Steven could do was close his eyes end endure it. It was over quickly and Nikki let go of him, walking away without a word toward the back of the house. 

Steven was in a daze, unable to comprehend what had just happened. He had just been raped, he realized. Raped by the man he loved, by the man who professed to love him and who had always been caring and respectful of him. Their sex had been wild at times, but it had always been consensual. It took him a minute before he pulled himself together enough to pull his pants up and stiffly climb the stairs to the bedroom, going straight through to the bathroom. He stood under the hot shower for a long time, a hundred confused thoughts running through his head. Nightmarish memories came unbidden to his mind of living on the streets when he was a teenager. He'd come close to being raped several times then, trading his favors for drugs or simply a roof over his head. Some of the men had been aggressive, even slapping him around, but that wasn't the same. He hadn't trusted them, hadn't cared for them at all. The fact that Nikki had done this was heartbreaking.

Eventually he had to emerge from the shower, as much as he wished he could hide in there forever. He dried himself then wrapped a towel around his waist, but when he went back out into the bedroom Nikki was there, sitting on the edge of the bed. Steven's heart hammered but he managed to keep his composure, going over to the dresser and pulling on a pair of fleece pants and a t-shirt. He didn't look at Nikki, didn't say a word.

"Stevie?" Nikki sounded hesitant. "Babe, are you okay?"

He wanted to shout NO! No, I'm not okay, I'm pretty fucking far from being okay. But he didn't reply, busying himself with gathering up the clothes he'd worn to the party and putting them away. He heard Nikki get up and felt the older man standing close behind him, but he didn't touch him.

"Baby, I'm sorry.....I wasn't thinking, I was just so pissed about Tommy. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Well, you did." Steven still didn't turn to face Nikki. 

"It happens to me sometimes, I just go off into another zone, I do things I don't mean. You know I would never hurt you on purpose." Nikki was speaking quietly, his voice gentle, but Steven ran his tongue over the split in his lip where Nikki had bit him, he could still feel the burn in his ass, and he didn't dare trust him.

"I don't know that." Steven closed his eyes and hung his head, still not daring to face the bassist. He felt the tentative touch of Nikki's fingers on his arm and he involuntarily flinched. He heard the other man's breath catch and he knew Nikki had felt him jump. "You punched Tommy. You raped me. I don't know what you'll do. You're capable of doing anything."

Steven turned and walked over to the bed, still not looking at the other man, and lay down on his stomach. He felt bone weary and emotionally drained.  
A minute later he felt the bed dip when Nikki sat. 

"Stevie?" Steven didn't respond, and a moment later he felt Nikki lightly brush back his wet hair. "What can I do to make it up to you?"

"Nothing." Steven's voice was muffled by the pillow, then he turned over, finally facing his lover. "It doesn't matter now. Tommy called me your fuck toy, then you came home and used me like one. I guess I deserve it anyway. I should have stood up for myself instead of letting my boyfriend 'defend my honor' like some pussy girl." Steven had done some thinking in the shower and he felt ashamed of himself . He was a supposed to be a man, he should be capable of standing up to Tommy or anyone else. It wasn't his nature, but if he was going to get anywhere in life without the drugs and booze as a crutch he was going to have to try.

"You don't deserve it." Nikki's voice was solemn. "No one deserves to be treated like I treated you. Maybe Tommy didn't even deserve me hitting him. He was drunk and high or he would never have acted like that. I'm fucked up, Stevie. It wasn't just drugs making me act like I used to act. I've got issues, I always have had. Impulse control issues, a shrink once told me. I'm working on it the best I can, but I need you to be patient with me." Nikki was looking into the tear filled blue eyes of the blonde and he felt remorse like he'd seldom felt before. Being accountable for his actions was still new to him and it was something he struggled with every day. "Can you forgive me, Stevie? I swear to God I'll never hurt you like that again. I never make promises, but I will promise you that. You mean too much to me."

Tears were freely falling down Nikki's face now and his voice broke. Steven felt his heart melting. He was no psychologist by any means but he knew deep down Nikki had never meant it. It hadn't even been Nikki, really, not the real Nikki anyway. In a strange kind of way, he even understood. Axl had been like that, acting out without thinking first. He learned not to take it personally, but of course back then he was so blitzed most of the time it had been easier. 

He reached up and touched Nikki's face, wiping at the tears."Of course I can forgive you. It's all part of building a relationship, isn't it? And we're in a relationship aren't we?"

Nikki managed a smile. "Of course we are. Don't let people like Tommy get to you, babe. He's bitter and jealous because you and me have something I never had with him. I was too fucked up then and so was he. And he still is."

Steven didn't want to ask this, but he felt he had to. "If Tommy cleaned up, would you go back to him?"

Nikki lay down next to him and slipped his arms around him. "No. I wouldn't have been with him in the first place if I'd been in my right mind. The only thing we had in common was getting fucked up and destroying things."

The knot that had been lurking inside Steven for weeks dissolved. He had always had that shred of doubt. His self confidence had been so low he had next to no belief in his own self worth and it seemed incredible to him that someone like Nikki could love him. Tonight had caused the little confidence he'd built up to plummet but he knew that it would slowly build again with Nikki's help. Nikki kissed him softly and they lay holding one another for awhile, then Steven ventured to speak again.

"How will you work with Tommy after punching him tonight?" He knew that Motley Crue was supposed to be working on material for their next album soon.

"It's nothing that hasn't happened before, it's no big deal. Once he sobers up tomorrow he'll forget all about it. He'd better remember one thing, though. He'd better remember I'm with you and I'm going to stay with you so he should keep his mouth shut!" Nikki's words were gentle but the look in his eye was serious, and Steven leaned up to kiss him. 

"Don't get worked up again, babe. Just lay here with me awhile, hold me awhile."

"I'd like to make love to you, Stevie." Nikki kissed him again.

"I.....I'm kinda sore, man."

Nikki chuckled ruefully. "Yeah, I suppose so. But that doesn't mean I can't make you feel good." He said this between light kisses to Steven's jaw and neck, his touch soft as his hands slid down Steven's body. "I wish I could love away what I did to you, and I want to try."

He lifted Steven's shirt, stroking his hand through the hair of Steven's chest, kissing his way to the pink nubs of his nipples and licking them, one after another the touch of his tongue light and teasing. Steven felt himself responding, somewhat surprisingly considering the events of earlier, but there was no denying the way he was responding. He couldn't hold back the low moan that escaped him and the blood rushed to his cock, his loose pants tenting. 

"Baby, you're so sexy, so hot. Don’t ever call yourself a pussy, love. You're a man, all man. My man." Nikki murmured against his stomach, his fingers dipping beneath the elastic of his waistband and slowly slipping the pants lower, inch by slow inch, following it with soft, wet kisses. Steven was incredibly turned on now, trying desperately not to writhe as Nikki's tongue licked against the hair of his abdomen, lower and lower. until he slipped the pants all the way down and tossed them aside. The cool air-conditioned air washed over Steven's swollen cock but was almost immediately replaced by the touch of Nikki's hot tongue as he dragged just the tip down the length and back up again. A large drop of pre-come immediately oozed out and Steven groaned, his hands going to thread in Nikki's lacquered hair.

Nikki eagerly licked the pre-come, closing his lips around the head and taking his time concentrating on just the tip, circling his tongue around it then poking into the slit until Steven thought he was going to go out of his mind.

"God, don't stop, Nikki, it feels so good....." Steven thrashed his head back and forth on the pillow, his drying hair across his face.

"Good," Nikki muttered against Steven's cock, "I want you to feel good, I want you to come. Let me taste you, Stevie."

With that he closed his lips tight around Steven and took him in almost to the root, which he hadn't done in all the times they had been together. He stayed there as long as he could manage, letting his tongue and the muscles of his throat work on Steven, only raising up out of necessity to breathe. He repeated the maneuver, then repeated it again until Steven felt the telltale knot of pleasure blossoming within him.

"Close, Nikki...I'm close." 

Nikki redoubled his efforts, his hands sliding up to stroke across Stevens nipples even as he lowered his head again and Steven couldn't hold back another second. With a strangled cry he bucked his hips and flooded Nikki's mouth with hot seed, the orgasm going on and on and Nikki took it all. He collapsed back against the pillow, completely drained, his chest heaving.

Nikki raised up and kissed him deeply. Steven tasted himself and he eagerly met Nikki's tongue, savoring the taste. Steven felt Nikki rock hard against him.

"You have to let me take do you now, babe."

"In a minute, in a minute. We've got all night, we've got as long as you want. You're mine, Stevie, and I'm going to treat you right. From now on, I'm not going to hurt you and I'm not going to let anyone else hurt you either. I know you can take care of yourself, but I want to take care of you if you'll let me, okay?"

Steven felt himself smile. "I have to admit it's kind of nice to feel so taken care of."

Nikki touched his lips with another soft kiss. "Get used to it."

Guns n Roses had returned to L.A. after their mini tour of the east coast and Steven accidentally crossed their path one evening when he and Nikki were out clubbing on the strip. They were having a quiet drink at a back table when suddenly pandemonium broke out as five familiar figures waltzed in. Well, four familiar figures and Matt Sorum, the man who now sat at the drum kit in Steven's place. Steven hadn't expected it to hit him as hard as it did but he had what was probably the closest he had ever experienced to a panic attack as he watched the crowd surge toward his former band, hearing the squeals and seeing the flashbulbs go off, remembering when he had been there with them. His band. His brothers-in-arms. The back-stabbing motherfuckers!  
He jumped when a warm hand closed over his clenched fist on the table.

"Hey, babe, you okay?" Nikki asked softly.  
Steven looked at him blankly for a moment, then merely gave a half shrug.  
"You don't need them, you know." Nikki went on. "They're going to self destruct, everyone knows it. Stradlin's fed up now that he's clean, he'll be out of the band by the end of the year. Mark my words. Duff is drinking himself into an early grave and if Slash doesn't get his shit together he'll be dead before he's 30, too. Don't even get me started on Axl."  
"It isn't that so much." Steven admitted, turning his hand over to weave his fingers through Nikki's, rubbing his thumb absently over the brunet's tattoos. "It's really about how betrayed I feel."

"I get that." Nikki nodded understandingly. "And I know that makes it hard for you to trust anyone now. Even me."  
Steven managed a small smile. "I don't know what I'd do without you, man."  
Nikki gave his trademark smirk. "Come on, baby. You're with Nikki Sixx now and we can make things happen!"  
With that the bassist stood, taking Stevie by the hand, and went up to the bar to have a whispered exchange with Sherri, the bar manager. Steven couldn't hear over the din of the room but he saw the manager nod. The boys of Guns had retreated to a large table off to the side of the stage where they were partying noisily, but the buzz of excitement they'd left in their wake was still palpable in the room. Nikki grinned at Steven, taking him over to the stage.  
"Whaddya say, Stevie, wanna steal a little of the Gunners thunder?"  
Steven suddenly caught on to Nikki's plan and broke into a wide grin. The house band was on a break between sets but after the manager spoke to them they joined Nikki and Steven at the edge of the stage for a quick consultation.  
Sherri climbed onstage and spoke into the mike. "We have a couple of special guests joining our band tonight, people." She gestured at Nikki and Steven, "Lets give it up for Nikki Sixx and Steven Adler!!"

Raucous shouts, whistles, and loud cheers went up immediately and people crowded the edge of the stage. Nikki grinned at Steven and the sudden bout of nerves that the blonde felt at the prospect of performing in public after his highly publicized departure from GNR faded. He tapped his sticks together in a count, then they launched into the Aerosmith cover they'd decided on. Steven had a fleeting glimpse of the Gunners at their table looking at them with varying expressions of surprise, shock, disbelief, and anger, then he was caught up in the rhythm, synchronizing his beat with the notes of Nikki's bass and hearing the rest of the band join in to match them seamlessly. They performed three songs, all classic rock ` covers, then Steven joined Nikki to wave at the crowd before they left the stage. What he hadn't anticipated, however, was Nikki pulling him to him and giving him a solid kiss on the lips.

The crowd loved it, catcalls and shouts followed them as they left the stage. Nikki quickly hustled Steven to the bar where they thanked the lady for letting them have their little impromptu performance, then they left amid still resounding cheers. As soon as they were outside Steven pulled Nikki into an enthusiastic embrace.  
"That was fantastic! You're an evil genius, Nikki! Did you see the looks on those asshole's faces!?"  
Nikki chuckled, his heart warmed by the drummer's brilliant smile and the sparkle in his young lovers eyes. "Those asswipes think they can come in there acting so cocky, they had to be shown they aren't the only rock stars in this town! You were beautiful up there, Stevie! It made me horny just watching you."  
Steven beamed. "Oh, did it? In that case I might have to put drums in our bedroom."  
Nikki laughed. "You don't need a drum kit to make me horny in the bedroom, baby."  
That had been one of the best nights Steven could remember. First showing his traitor ex band mates he could drum as good as ever, if not better, then going home to a marathon night of mind blowing sex with Nikki.

A few days later Crue showed up to work out material for their upcoming album in Nikki's rehearsal studio behind his house. Nikki asked him repeatedly if he wanted to sit in, but he declined. Mick was friendly in his quiet way and Vince was indifferent to him, but then there was Tommy. Steven knew Nikki had to work with his band, that wasn't the problem. It was Nikki working with Tommy that was the problem. And to make it worse, it had been announced on Entertainment Tonight a few days earlier that Heather had filed for divorce. Tommy was single again, and he still wanted Nikki. How could Steven hope to compete with someone like Tommy, someone Nikki had been involved with for so long, someone Nikki admitted he'd been in love with for years? No mention had been made of Nikki and Tommy's little altercation at the award dinner a couple weeks before, but Steven hadn't forgotten and he knew Tommy hadn't either. The dark haired Crue drummer hadn't been outwardly hostile to Steven the few times they'd been unable to avoid one another, but Steven could see the antagonism in his eyes and hear the venom in his voice. He was uneasy, worried, and jealous.

Nikki knew. He was no fool. He knew, too, that Steven's pot use was escalating again. He didn't care if Steven smoked, it would be ridiculous to expect him to stop, but the increased use was a sure indication of the blonde's stress. The long hours he spent with his band were unavoidable, they had a studio booked in less than a month and they had a lot of work to do before then. He understood why his lover didn't want to sit in with them, but he knew the atmosphere would be so poisonous between the two drummers if he did that it would make it impossible to get any work done for the rest of them. When the band finally called it quits for the night it was after 1:00 AM but when Vince suggested they all go in the main house for a beer Nikki couldn't see a way to refuse. Besides, it was his house and now Steven's home too so if Tommy had a problem with that he could go fuck himself.  
When the four of them entered through the back door to the kitchen the house was deathly quiet and Nikki figured Steven had gone up to bed or was up in their room watching TV. They all sat at the counter and he gave them all a beer even though Tommy had a flask he'd been nipping from all evening. After talking about the song they had been working on for awhile, it was actually Vince who asked where Steven was. Before Nikki could say anything, though, Tommy spoke up.  
"It's past baby's bedtime. He's probably upstairs with his teddy bear waiting for Sixx to tuck him in."  
Nikki turned to glare at Tommy, smirking. "I won't be tucking him in, I can promise you that!"  
He almost regretted his words when he saw the pure hate flash in Tommy's eyes. Vince and Mick burst into ribald laughter but Tommy sat back, muttering something under his breath. Nikki didn't hear what he said but apparently Mick, who was sitting closer, did.  
"Hey, man, lay off the kid. It's none of your business what him and Sixx do."  
Like everyone, Tommy was a little intimidated by the older guitarist and he lapsed into merely glowering at Nikki, which the bassist was taking some degree of pleasure in ignoring. But then Vince spoke up.  
"How long is Adler going to be staying here anyway?"  
"A long time, I hope." Nikki's answer was simple.  
"He's a drummer, though. Shouldn't he be, you know, drumming? Get into another band or something?"  
"That's up to him."  
"Why should he?" Tommy couldn't keep quiet any longer. "He's got it made here! Who says he could get another gig anyway? He isn't even that good!"  
Nikki opened his mouth to tell Tommy off but Mick spoke up again. "Oh, I don't know about that. He's probably as good as you are. Better, when you're wasted, which is almost always lately it seems."  
Tommy looked at Mick in shock but it didn't faze the guitarist a bit. Mick recommended they all go home when they'd finished their drink and Nikki saw them out with a sense of relief. If the tension was this bad now he dreaded what it would be like once they started recording.  
When he closed the door and turned back to the living room he was nearly knocked off his feet by a flying blonde ball of excitement. Steven wrapped his arms around his waist and gave him a passionate kiss.  
"Whoa, I didn't know you were still up, baby!" Nikki returned the kiss with zeal.  
"I fell asleep in the den waiting for you to come in, I woke up when you guys were in the kitchen but I didn't want to come out until they were gone." The two walked back to the kitchen where Steven started making a sandwich for Nikki.  
"You don't have to hide from them! This is your house!"  
"Not really." Steven mumbled quietly, but Nikki heard him.  
"What do you mean 'not really'? I told you this is your home for as long as you want it to be!"  
"Yeah, I know." Steven didn't meet Nikki's eye, he kept his head lowered as he cut the sandwich and placed it in front of his boyfriend.  
"You heard Tommy, didn't you?" Nikki realized. "Baby you shouldn't listen to that asshole, you know he's full of shit!"  
Steve did look up then and his usually sparkling blue eyes were troubled. "What if he's right, though? What if I really couldn't get another band? What if I'm washed up at 25?"  
"Didn't you learn anything at the club the other night!? The crowd loved you!"  
"The crowd loved us. You, me, and the house band. Not me, by myself."  
"All right, then! Why don't you look for a gig? You must have contacts and if you don't, I do! If the word is out you're looking for a band they'll be beating the door down to get you!"  
"Is that what you want me to do?"  
"Stevie, sweetie," Nikki felt like his heart was melting and he reached over to touch the drummer's cheek. "I want you to do whatever makes you happy."  
After a moment Steven smiled, a naughty smile. "I should do whatever makes me happy? You make me happy, Nikki. I think we should go upstairs so I can do you!"  
Nikki felt his cock twitch at the thought. "That's the best idea I've heard all night!"

Niki sat in the bed, still sweaty from his romp with Steven. Things got a little wild and the younger man had fallen asleep almost immediately after coming. Nikki had extricated himself from the blonde's arms carefully so as not to wake him and sat up against the headboard. He was uneasy and in spite of the long day he knew he couldn't sleep. Steven was so beautiful lying there, he thought, smiling unconsciously. It constantly amazed him how much he cared for the goofy bundle of sunshine, he instilled feelings in Nikki that he once thought were completely foreign to his nature. Tenderness wasn't something he was entirely comfortable with and he certainly wasn't used to it, but it would be foolish to deny it. Along with the intense desire he felt for the blonde there was a warmth and gentleness that he hadn't been prepared for but that made him want to protect and shelter him. Without the drugs Steven was vulnerable and fragile and Nikki was all too familiar with the struggle involved in learning to deal with these feelings. He knew he would do anything in his power to keep his lover from getting hurt but he also knew he couldn't coddle the blonde. He was a full grown man regardless of his almost childlike ingenuous ways and he obviously wanted to stand on his own. Nikki could understand that but he couldn't let anything hurt Steven. He wasn't just his lover, he was his love. 

 

teven checked his answering machine for the fifth time that afternoon and sighed. Nikki had given him his own phone line when he started looking for drumming gigs, but even though he'd put out a few advertisements so far there had been had no response. He knew if he mentioned Guns n Roses he would have garnered more interest, but he didn't want to do it that way, he wanted to do this based on his skill alone. The 'experienced rock drummer seeks work' notices he put out were under his birth name, Michael Coletti, and he had made no mention of his association with Guns. But drummers, even experienced ones, were a dime a dozen in L.A. and Steven  
was fighting against feeling frustrated and dejected. He knew if he gave in to those feelings the overwhelming urge to get high would overtake him, it was how he had gotten involved with hard drugs in the first place. Cast out by his family, told he would never be anything more than a worthless waste of space, it had been so easy to give in to anything that might ease the pain. He was all too aware that it could easily happen again.

It didn't help that Motley Crue were in the recording studios and he was alone at the mansion most of every day. He knew he could have accompanied Nikki to the studio but he didn't want to do that. For one thing, he didn't feel strong enough to withstand the temptations he knew he would have to face if he were with other musicians where drugs and booze were the order of the day. But the main reason he was avoiding the studio was Tommy Lee. Tommy wanted Nikki back and made no secret of it. So far Nikki seemed completely unfazed by Tommy's blatant flirting, at least when Steven was around, but now the two of them were working closely for hours on end. Trusting anyone, especially after Guns stabbed him in the back, was next to impossible for Steven but he was making a valiant effort. In addition to working at the studio Nikki still had his other projects, his radio show and several other things he was dabbling in, so it was often past midnight before he came home. Coming home late one night during the band's second week of working at the studio Nikki found the blonde sleeping curled up on the couch, video game controller still loosely held in his hand. He switched off the console, gently removed the controller, and just stood there gazing at his lover for few moments. He wanted to talk to him but was reluctant to wake him up, he looked so peaceful lying there with his hair tousled and his lips slightly parted and Nikki felt the familiar warmth spread through him. His relationship with the drummer had been unplanned and falling in love with him had certainly been unexpected but now he couldn't imagine not having Steven in his life.

Nikki lifted Steven's feet and sat on the couch, replacing his legs on his lap. Steven was wearing shorts and a tank top and Nikki couldn't resist running his hands up Steven's leg a few times until the other man stirred.  
"Hmmmm, wha..." Steven mumbled, sitting up groggily. "Oh hey, babe, you're home! I missed you!" He met Nikki's kiss, waking completely now.  
"Just got here." Nikki assured him hen their lips parted. "Wanted to talk to you about something."  
Steven immediately got a deer-in-the-headlights look in his eyes. "No, no, nothing bad," Nikki added quickly, pulling the younger man close. "But we found out today when we start touring to support this album. We'll have a few dates starting in November, it should be mastered by then and the other details ironed out. Then after it's released we'll launch a tour here in the States before going overseas. But next year looks like it's going to be pretty busy and I wanted to know how you feel about that."  
Steven was quiet for a bit, thinking, conscious of Nikki's arms around him and trying to remember all the myriad details involved in releasing a record and touring. The only one he could remember with any clarity was the tour after Illusion, by the time Lies came along he was too fucked up all the time to remember much.  
"I'm not sure what you want to know," he finally confessed. "I know it's going to happen so what I think really doesn't matter much, does it?"  
"What you think matter a lot, babe. You know I want you with me on the road but I don't know how comfortable you are with that idea."  
Steven understood what Nikki was driving at now. "You know I want to be with you, I always want to be with you."  
"But you never come to the studio with me."  
"You know why I don't." Steven mumbled quietly, almost ashamed of his reasons.  
He felt Nikki kiss his temple."I know," the bassist said softly. "I know you don't think the other guys want you there. I don't think that's true and who cares anyway, I want you there!"  
"I don't think Mick minds and I don't think Vince even cares, but....." Steven trailed off with a shrug. The subject of Tommy was a sensitive one and he didn't know how to express how he felt about the other drummer. He wasn't even sure how he felt, really. Jealous? Resentful? Intimidated? All three, really, with a healthy dose of envy thrown in that his own career had come to a screeching halt while Tommy's was flourishing.  
Nikki understood better than Steven realized, and he kissed his cheek again. "Babe, I can handle Tommy. He's being a stupid, obnoxious fuck because he's going through this divorce right now but he knows I'm with you. Is that what you're worried about?"  
"Part of it," Steven sighed. "The other part is...well, I know you don't use anymore but everyone else around you does. If I'm around it I don't know what I'll do!" Steven heard the anxiety creep into his voice but was powerless to do anything about it. "I want it so bad sometimes it feels like my skin is crawling, it's like I can close my eyes and feel the needle going in and I just have to wait for that warmth, that feeling that nothing else matters, you know?"  
Nikki chuckled but his tone was kind. "Remember who you're talking to. You think I don't feel that too? Sometimes I even dream of it, and when I see others using I feel my hands literally twitch, I want to reach for it so bad! It gets better but it never goes away, we'll feel it for the rest of our lives. But if you come to the studio, if you come on tour, I'll be with you! And not everyone there is a junkie, babe, and they're not all cokeheads or drunks either. And now that I've got you I want you more than any drug. Say you'll come with me, Stevie. Please?"  
Steven look up into the green eyes so close to him, so immersed in their depths that he forgot to reply for a second. He couldn't refuse Nikki and he knew he couldn't bear to be apart from him for the length of an entire tour. Being apart for 10 or 12 hours a day was proving hard enough. "But...what if I get a gig myself by then? Not," Steven's lips twisted bitterly, "that it looks like that's going to happen."  
"It'll happen eventually, babe. We'll deal with it when it does. If you really want to get back in the game I can find you some session work."  
Steven shook his head. "No, no. I want to do this in my own, Nikki. But you know I'll come on the road with you, as long as I'm not in the way."   
Nikki wrapped his arms around his young lover. "You're never in the way, you know that." He kissed Steven tenderly but when the blonde returned the kiss it grew more heated. Never in a million years would he have expected to get as worked up so quickly as he did over Steven. The blonde's sun-kissed skin tasted like fresh air if fresh air could have a taste, and his lips always tasted faintly of honey, even in the morning before he brushed his teeth. But none of that was as overwhelming as the way Steven's slightest movement against him went straight to his cock making him want to take him right then and there.  
Steven felt it too, it was obvious in how his breath quickened and how he pulled Nikki closer, finally just giving in and climbing on the dark haired man's laps, straddling his hips and moving sensually against him  
"If you keep that up," Nikki licked his lips when they parted to take a breath, "I may not make it until we get upstairs."  
"We don't need to go upstairs." Steven replied. "I've been waiting for you for hours, I've been waiting all day. Don't make me wait any longer!"  
With a low growl Nikki was only too happy to comply, working the elastic waist of Steven's shorts down over his hips. He wore no underwear, he never did, and his erection sprang out to be immediately enclosed in Nikki's hand. Steven leaned his head back with a sigh and Nikki's mouth clamped to his neck, sucking then licking. They broke apart only long enough to rid themselves of their clothes then Nikki lay him back on the couch, nudging his legs apart and wasting no time prepping then entering the drummer. The sounds Steven made set Nikki's blood on fire but it was looking down into those clear blue eyes that really did it for him, there was such love and such trust there that he wanted to be gentle with him even as his body gave in to the urgent need to possess the young man completely.  
Later as they lay breathless, Steven spoke in the bassist's ear. "I love you so much, Nikki. I don't deserve you, you're too good to me."  
"I love you too, baby. You deserve everything, more than I can give you. Just stay with me, stay at my side."

They went upstairs then, and Nikki fell asleep almost immediately exhausted from his long day. But Steven lay awake, his head cradled to Nikki's chest, vaguely uneasy and worried. The prospect of going on the road with Nikki was daunting and he knew what a challenge it could prove to be. There would be the constant temptation of drugs all around him, Tommy to contend with, not to mention the persistent nagging feeling that he was destined to remain what amounted to Nikki's kept lover indefinitely as the likelihood of getting work as a drummer seemed more and more unlikely. It was a long time before he was able to drift off to sleep.

 

 

Steven wasn't going to make it, he just knew it. It was only the fifth date of Crue's mini tour and he was already at his wits end. He wanted to be with Nikki but the other man had so little time to spend with him. Publicity appearances, interviews, sound checks, not to mention the actual gigs left them with only a few precious hours together and Nikki spent most of that time sleeping. Steven did everything he could to be supportive, he knew that Nikki was facing the same temptations he himself was to indulge in the drugs that were everywhere around him but whereas Nikki was kept busy, Steven was bored to tears. While it was generally known he was accompanying Motley Crue , very few people knew of he and Nikki's true relationship and naturally thought of him as just another of the hangers-on that followed popular bands. So he was left on the sidelines, feeling in the way as he watched Nikki interact with his band mates. And watch as Tommy played up his well known friendship with Nikki by joking and roughhousing, touching Nikki at every opportunity. Nikki didn't notice the sidelong smirks Tommy sent Steven when he saw the blond drummer watching, no one seemed to notice that Tommy was being perhaps more touchy-feely with Nikki when Steven was around. Tommy was subtle in his cruelty and he knew Steven would never complain to Nikki. What good would come of complaining, anyway? Nikki was who he was, he had his job to do and his role to fill. All Steven could do was avoid Tommy as much as possible and try to push aside the frustration and jealousy.

The band was appearing in Baltimore and Nikki was busy overseeing details with the road manager as the roadies set up for sound check. Steven was feeling so bored and useless he was helping them and once they understood he actually knew something about the job, they let him. He was acquainted with several of them, had even smoked weed with them on several occasions, but when the harder drugs came out he had to leave. So far he had been able to withstand the almost constant temptation to use.  
Tommy's tech was one of the crew Steven was friendly with so after making sure Tommy wasn't around he helped set the drums up fairly quickly. Jim, the tech, got called away to assist with other things and Steven found himself once again alone. He admired Tommy's setup, the equipment was some of the finest money could buy, so after double checking that no one except the crew were around he seated himself behind the kit, the urge to try it out too strong to resist. Tentative at first, Steven was soon caught up in the rhythm, pounding out an improvised beat, oblivious to everything else.  
"Adler!"  
Steven jumped at the voice behind him and stood, awkwardly dropping the drumsticks. Tommy had appeared from seemingly nowhere.  
"Sorry." Steven muttered, not meeting the other drummers eye, and he made to walk away.  
"Hey, no big deal."  
Steven looked back in surprise. He fully expected the other man to be furious at finding him at his kit. Tommy was picking up the drumsticks from the floor then stood, facing Steven, his face impassive.  
"Must be pretty boring, tagging around after Sixx all the time. You probably wish you had something to fill your time. "  
Steven didn't reply, not trusting the seemingly friendly tone Tommy was taking. He watched as Tommy went over to a shipping case and laid out two fat lines of coke, chopping them with a key card from his hotel room. Steven felt the familiar itch. Tommy wasn't into smack, so Steven didn't feel too threatened.   
"Come on, man." the dark haired man motioned to Steven. "A little buzz will help, a little burst of energy to chase away the blues, right?"  
Steven was hesitant. He was completely clean, he had only used pot for over four months now. But it was only coke, not smack. And it would perk him up, he knew very well. Tommy didn't say anything further, snorting his own lines then tipping out a bit more, looking at Steven.   
'Fuck it.' Steven thought, going over to the case and taking the short straw Tommy offered him. When Steven turned to go he saw Mick sitting several feet away changing a string. The guitarist gave him an inscrutable look but didn't say anything.

It gradually became the norm over the next several dates. Someone, not always Tommy, would offer Steven some coke. Between the blow and the pot Steven found it easier to cope with Nikki's long absences from his side, and if Nikki noticed anything at all he merely attributed it to his boyfriend's normally bubby disposition. He tried to give Steven as much attention as possible but he was also involved in nearly every aspect of the band's operations to some extent. Steven was left at the hotel or wandering around the venue for hours at a time and Nikki was simply glad he seemed to be adjusting to the routine. The holidays were approaching and he was already making plans to do something special for Steven to let him know how much he appreciated him.

It was after a concert in Atlanta when Steven grew tired of waiting for Nikki to finish with the seemingly endless post-concert publicity photos and meet ups. Bored, he wandered aimlessly through the backstage corridors until he rounded a corner and came upon two of the minor crew members shooting up. They jumped from where they had been sitting on the floor, but Steven grinned at them.  
"Hey, don't worry about it." He looked on as they sat back down and the one finished cooking. Steven couldn't tear his eye off the muddy brown liquid in the tarnished spoon, he literally felt himself salivating. While he'd known it was going on all around him this was the first time he'd stumbled upon it first hand and it was even harder than he feared it would be.   
"Um.....guys? Got any more?"   
When Nikki found him dozing on a couch in the dressing rooms later he merely assumed his young lover had grown sleepy waiting for him.


End file.
